Blast from the Ex-Past [Warning: Explicit Content]

I found this happy little poem when packing up my things for our move to San Francisco. It was a lovingly written for some guys I dated in my past. It made me giggle.


Looking at my black book
I am frustrated
The list of good men is too abbreviated
hand me a pen, I'll give it a couple of clicks and
tell you about these little dicks
First there's Jimmy-Jam-James,
See, his biggest problem is
he can't fill a condom
lay it on a ruler bitch, all of you
shit, man it won't go passed 2
You a little dick too
Then there's Tim
His biggest sin is assuming I'm stupid,
but naw, it's you, kid
You said we should get married
that relationship was buried
long before it started
so damn glad we parted
you said your anger was manifest passion
I just couldn't fashion my heart
to love you
you a little dick too
Here goes Steve-o
He's not the drug but the placebo
He's the temp dick between these bitches
happened so fast I can't
tell how the sex is
and though you not like the group
you a little dick too
Then we've got Brian
He's got the heart of a lion,
a lion with no dick
Listen here, little prick I know
you've been calling my phone and then hang up,
give it up little bitch
we ain't gonna fuck
You fed me some lines about how
destiny is true
Man, shut the fuck up,
you a little dick too

I was listening to a lot of Dr. Dre at the time and fancied myself hardcore. I'm now married with a poofy dog.